'Slow Me Down'

Here are the lyrics to one of my Favorite songs. It's by Emmy Rossum (The Phantom of the Opera, Poseidon,The Day After Tomorrow) and it really hits the nail on the head as far as how I feel right now. The song is titled 'Slow Me Down'.

Rushing and racing and running in circles
Moving so fast I'm forgetting my purpose
Blur of the traffic is sending me spinning
Getting nowhere

My head and my heart are colliding chaotic
Pace of the world I just wish I could stop it
Try to appear like I've got it together
I'm falling apart

Save me
Somebody take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Sometimes I fear that I might disappear
In the blur of fast forward I falter again
Forgetting to breathe
I need to sleep
I'm getting nowhere

All that I've missed I see in the reflection
Pass me while I wasn't paying attention
Tired of rushing, racing and running
I'm falling apart

Tell me
Oh won't you take my hand and lead me
Slow me down
Don't let love pass me by
Just show me how
Cause I'm ready to fall

Slow me down
Don't let me live a lie
Before my life flies by
I need you to slow me down

Just show me
I need you to slow me down
Slow me down
Slow me down

The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and I wish I could stop it
Just need to breathe
Somebody please
Slow me down

Midterms…already?

I can not believe that it is already time for midterms! And I was just beginning to catch up on the sleep that I was giving up last week! It seems totally unfair but has its plus side, too. Midterms means that half of the semester is over with and there is only half left, which gets me totally stocked and excited! But it’s at this point in the semester when I feel burnt out and have no desire to go on. It’s when everything starts to pile up, I’m tired because of all of the homework, have an extreme case of Spring Fever and I just wanna play and do fund stuff not stay cooped up in my room doing homework. My mom and I were talking and decided that it is at this point when the rubber meets the road. Momma said that if I can persevere and endure through this time when I don’t want to do something that I have to do, and give it 100%, then I am pretty much set for life. I only hope that this is true, because I need some kind of motivation. I’m just waiting on my second wind, my lift or something to get me motivated. Anytime now…

Geography hits home

This semester, I am taking the World-Regional Geography, just because I have to, that’s all. Well little did I know the informative impact that this course would have on me. I thought it would be just a bunch of boring mess that would be faithful in putting me to sleep when I had to study it. WRONG! I am becoming to enjoy this course and the interesting things that I am learning from it. On the contrary, so of the stuff that I learning about like Africa and places like that is really sad. I have always wanted to go to Africa for a mission trip or something similar, and this has just refreshed that desire. Most of the countries in Africa are in such terrible conditions that they makes more than they spend and they are still in debt. It makes me really sad to think of all the little orphans who are plagued with HIV/AIDS and have lost their family to this terrible pandemic. It’s hard to conceive the conditions that these people live in and it seems like a totally different imaginary world, but it really isn’t, sadly. Studying about Africa makes me really grateful and reminds me of how blessed I am. It makes me want to change the world and find a cure for all of these devastating diseases and end world hunger.

Poetry Paper informal reflecton

So we just got our poetry paper grade back and I am totally surprised! I looked at the little rubric thingy and kept seeing 3’s and 4’s and finally at the end I saw a big fat A! I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t expect this at all but I do feel that I deserved it after all of the work that I put into this project, and all of that hard work paid off! I guess the biggest thing for me was the same for every paper that I do which is just getting started, and once I get started, then I’ll be ok. I am really proud of myself for sticking through it til the end. Seeing that ‘A’ on this paper was just what I needed-especially at this point in the semester when it seems like everything is piling on top of me. Ironically though, when I went through and read my paper after I submitted it, I had a lot of second thoughts and wanted to change so much of it to make it better. O well, the things we do in hind sight. But it is apparent that the sleep that I sacrificed was well worth it. Now I only hope that I can carry this into the next paper on Hamlet, I think… Gee’s another paper, already?

Thoughts on Hamlet

Wow, so we just started reading Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The only thing that I have ever read by Shakespeare was Romeo and Juliet and even then I spent more time in the cliff notes than in the actual play. I had really forgotten how hard it is to read this stuff. However, I am really becoming intrigued by this play, even if it is hard to read. There are a lot of intense emotions and passions in this play. I have only read the first few scenes of Act I and am already anticipating the outcome. I have kinda formulated a synopsis of the characters, it’s really informal though. Hamlet is a big baby, Ophelia is a slave to her father’s pride/vanity, Gertrude is an oblivious traitor, Claudius is a sly and greedy but very eloquent man, and Horatio seems to be the only character in the play who has any truth or virtue. Since we’ve started watching the movie, a whole new light has been shed on this play and it really enhances the emotions and the characters. Only thing now is that I don’t have any idea how I am supposed to write a 3-6 page paper on this play. I guess we’ll find out…

My First Hockey Game!

Saturday night I went to my very first hockey game! A friend of my family had four extra tickets so my boyfriend, two younger brothers and I all went to the Charlotte Checkers game at the Bobcats arena. I was so pumped up on adrenaline during the game, it was great. I had no idea what to expect, but I had a blast. I had heard, but didn’t know for sure, that occasionally the hockey players will break out into a fight. We were sitting there, watching the game, low and behold, it hadn’t even been two minutes into the first period when a fight broke out right in front of where we were sitting, and we were on the front row. This hockey game was so action-packed and intense, I was soo intrigued. Needless to say, I definitely want to go to another hockey game!!!

Everyday Masquerade Reflection

How to put into words what I learned not only while writing this paper, but also from this poem itself, would be an almost impossible task. The actual writing process taught me a lot about perseverance and self discipline. But the poem was where the rubber met the road for me. I think about that poem all the time. I can be doing something really random and think of a line from that poem that relates to what I’m doing at that moment. Nearly every day, especially when I’m not in a good mood, I think about “putting on a mask that grins and lies” and I think of how superficially so many people are everyday. I was never really that aware of the whole façade thing, but now, after I analyzed “We Wear the Mask” my eyes have really been open to how casual and nonchalant the world (myself included) has become towards covering up their feelings. It drives me crazy, and makes me want to totally revolutionize the way the world revolves.

2 Thumbs Up!

I was driving to school Wednesday morning and decided that it was absolutely crucial that I get Ms. Frailly’s to help me with my paper. I needed it terribly! But interestingly enough, the mini writing workshop that we did in class on Wednesday helped me out sooo much that I wasn’t as anxious about my paper as I was before. By just writing for 20 minutes or so, I was able to organize my thoughts and uncover some interesting details about my poem that I had unintentionally overlooked when I was trying to write in a formal manner. That writing exercise was so very beneficial and helpful to me. Although I dreaded it at first, because I wasn’t sure what we were supposed to do, I am glad that Ms. Frailly had us to do that assignment. I was even able to use a few ideas from that informal writing and put them in my ‘real’ paper. Therefore, I give that in-class writing workshop a 5-star rating!

Anxieties...

It’s 2:30am, on Friday morning and I am awake, working on my poetry paper. it seems that the only time that I can make any progress with my paper is in the middle of the night. Ms. Frailly totally freaked me out in class today when she said that our finals were due Monday. I feel that I have not had enough time to work on this paper, probably because of the snow and stuff, and it’s driving me crazy. I do not feel like my paper is ready to be turned in. I feel like there is so much work to be done on it, but we haven’t been allotted the appropriate time to complete it. To intensify my anxieties, we started in on Hamlet in class today! It was like I was in the twilight zone for a few moments. I feel soo rushed this semester in all of my courses, and it’s not a fun feeling. Oh well, I am already getting off the subject. But anyway, I am going to get back to work on my paper…

'The Paper Prison' Reflection

The Paper Prison was one of the most challenging papers that I have ever written. That paper took so much time and was, by far, a whole lot harder than the papers that I had to write in ENG 111. It seemed that as I wrote the paper, I encountered several different obstacles, each one bigger and more frustrating than the previous one. I didn’t think that I would ever get anywhere with that writing project, but I was able to, surprisingly. Overall, I think that the finished product was a really good paper, with the exceptions of a few grammatical and organizational errors. Now, as I reflect on it, I actually enjoyed reading and analyzing “The Yellow Wallpaper” and eventually writing about what I had discovered. During the actual writing process, I was in total misery though, because I felt like I couldn’t get started and when I finally did start, I felt like I couldn’t get anywhere. I was getting super frustrated with myself and I later discovered that, no only in English but Math also, I was being really hard on myself and not being patient with myself.
After I talked with another professor, I was able to get over this state-of-mind and, now my whole perspective about school has changed. Writing The Paper Prison was a good project for me to complete because it forced me to stay focused, be patient with myself, and also to always follow the steps, in order, to write a paper and not skip ANY of them. Looking back, I can see that if I hadn’t been so quick to jump in and instead, stayed on the right track, I would probably have came out with an ‘A’ paper. But, I definitely learned my lesson!

Sister Power

I wrote this story for History and I thought that it was pretty good!

“Come 'ere Becky. Look at those ships, they don’t look like our ships. No, I don't think those are American ships” Abby said. Once again I was the one working and she’s the one gazing out into the harbor, daydreaming.

“Abby, would you stop lolly-gagging and help me get this floor cleaned”, she and I are supposed to sweep and wash the floors today in the lantern chamber of our Pa’s lighthouse. Well, it isn’t really his lighthouse, he’s just the keeper. Pa took Momma and my brothers and sisters (‘cept for Abby) on a trip for a few days. He said that Abby and I are in charge of keeping the lighthouse tidy and keeping the lantern lit. Of course, when he said that we were in charge he was puttin’ all the responsibilities in my hand, ‘cause Abby would lose her head if it weren’t attached to her neck, and I am the eldest.

“I’m serious, Becky, those ships look like them British ones that attacked us earlier in the summer. I swear they look just like ‘em!”

“Abigail Bates, we do not swear in this household, and it’s ‘those British ones’ not ‘them British ones’. Ever since we’ve been spending the afternoons over at the military camps, your grammar has become atrocious.” Pa lets us go down to the military camps after the noon meal when we get our morning chores done. I can tell that Momma doesn’t like for us to go over there, I can understand why, but Abby and I have so much fun learning marches and drills and such from the soldiers. It beats staying indoors and learning the importance of being a lady. Even though I am they say I’m practical one, I’d much rather be outside any day.

“Ok fine, ‘Miss Know-it-all’, those British ships. Would you please come look?” Abby responded impatiently.

“Yes ma’am! Good grief, Abby sometimes I wonder if you just-O Abby, those are British war ships!” Those were almost identical to ones that brought war in the summer.

“See, I told you. Instead of correctin’ my grammar you should’ve-”

“Ok fine, I’m sorry for not listening to you, but this is not good, we don’t have time to run all the way to the camp and warn the men, and even if we did, they’d never be ready in time. We have to think of something, quick!” The last time those ships came rolling through town, they burned or destroyed a number of our war ships. The last three times the British attacked, it turned out to be pretty bad. There’s no telling to what they have up their sleeve this time.

“Well, are you just gonna stand there or are we gonna do something?”

“I’m thinking...Hmm...You said last week that when you were getting up clothes to be laundered that you saw a fife in the upstairs bedroom?” Truthfully, I don’t think that Abby was just getting up the clothes, she was probably being nosey and going through our brother’s battle equipment.

“Not just a fife, there was a drum with it” Abby replied.

“Ok go upstairs and get both of them and meet me outside near the cedars. Hurry!” I thought that, maybe, the British were through messing with us. I hate all of this fighting and carrying on.

“I’ve got ‘em, Becky! Now what? Do you have a plan? Can I help? Why did you have me get this drum and-"

“Don’t ask questions! You remember some of the marches they taught us at the camp?” Of course she remembers, she was better at them than I was.

“Yea, Why?” Abby replied.

“You and I are going to play um…Yankee Doodle and try to trick the British soldiers. Maybe if we play loud enough, they will confuse us for the whole regime.” Oh, I pray my ‘plan’ works.

“Well, what are you waiting for, let’s start playing.” Abby said, and immediately began tooting out ‘Yankee Doodle’ on the Fife. I have never been so nervous in my life but I held nothing back. We played and played until Abby looked blue in the face and then we switched and she beat the drum.

“Becky,” Abby said in a raspy tone, “I don’t know if this is working. I’m scared. Where will we go if they try to attack Scituate?” Small tears filled Abby’s dark brown eyes.

As much as I wanted to comfort her, I felt like crying myself. I just kept on playing, and hoping for a miracle. It’s funny how a day will start out wonderful, and turn sour on you, just like that. As I stopped for a breath I peeked out over the bush that we were crouched behind. When I looked, I could not believe what I saw.

“Abby! Oh Abby, Look!” It was a miracle. “Them British warships are turning around! They’re retreating!”

“Well, would you look at that!” Abby said in her ‘soldier talk’, “I can’t believe it. Keep playin’ Becky, I ain’t never been so happy to see the back side of a British warship in my life!”

We played until I was out of breath and Abby was sure that her arms would fall off. And then we did a victory dance all the way back to the lighthouse.

“Becky, just wait ‘til Pa hears of our victory!” Abby said triumphantly as she put some tea to steep, humming ‘Yankee Doodle’ merrily.

“I can hardly believe in myself. We saved our lighthouse! I can’t believe that you and I were able to scare off the British regime. We could call ourselves ‘The American Army-Bates regime at Scituate’. Yes, I like the way that sounds.”

-The End-

"Those Winter Sundays" hits home

Those Winter Sundays, the poem we discussed in class on Monday, is a wonderful poem that seemed very real to me. As I mentioned in class, as long as I can remember, we have always heated our class with a wood heater. I can remember waking up in the morning to the sound of Momma opening up the heater doors and putting wood on the heater so we’d (the kids) be warm when we got out of bed. It didn’t matter if it was raining or 16˚ outside, Momma would keep that fire hot so the house would stay warm. I have probably never actually told Momma thanks for keeping the fire burning, maybe because she never complains and never mentions it, it seems as though she does is out of love instead of out of duty.

Poetry...

Call me a loser, I don’t care, but I have always enjoyed reading poetry. When I think of poetry, I think of the kind that rhymes, which is probably my favorite. For instance, ever since I was a kid, I loved the books Green Eggs and Ham as well as ALL of the other books written by Dr. Suess. I fell in love with poetry when my Grandmother gave me my first Shel Silverstien book entitled “Where the Sidewalk Ends.” My mom says I get my interest in poetry from my Grandmother and I remember as a young child, going to my Grandmother’s, going through all of her book (she had sooo many) and looking for the ones that she classified as ‘poetry’.
Of course, some of the poetry that we have been reading in class lately hasn’t rhymed, has made hardly any sense at all or has just been ‘out there’. But it never hurts to be cultured, right?